DZHUGDZHUR BERGEN, EAST Siberia
Wombat, this is Eagle Nest. We have lost your position.
Repetition, we have lost your position. Understood, Wombat?
Wombat ... where is the object?
Answer, Wombat.
Just in time.
Zeke, almost agree.
I'm almost there.
Goodnight.
Open.
I got it.
Do not, please.
Do not. It's too dangerous.
I beg you.
Sorry, I do not speak Russian.
No!
Top Secret CONFIDENTIAL
REAL AMERICAN HERO EXPERT IN EXPLOSIVES
COMPETENT LOVER
TERROR PLOT prevents MACGRUBER 200 DEATHS IN ACTION
WORKS
Rio Bamba, ECUADOR
I still do not understand why we are here.
Because, Lieutenant, we need the best.
And this guy is so good? - Yes.
Why is he inactive? - Because ...
He has ten years dead.
Hello, Colonel. - Hello, MacGruber.
MacGruber?
How did you find me? - I've taught you everything.
Not everything, Colonel.
Hi, Jim.
This is Lt. Piper Dixon.
Lieutenant, this is ... - The legendary MacGruber.
Former Navy Seal. Army ranger and commando soldier.
Presented six times in Desert Storm. Four in Bosnia.
Three each in Angola, Somalia, Mozambique, Nicaragua and Sierra Leone.
Recipient of sixteen medals.
Three Congressional Medals of Honor seven Presidential Medal of Bravery ...
and finally for University of Texas El Paso.
That was long ago. - Listen, Mac ...
Colonel, with all respect ...
whatever you're here. The answer is no.
My life is here. All I care about is in these walls.
I am a peaceful man. This is my home.
This is my people.
He gives it back. - Fuck, MacGruber.
Two days ago transported a Russian nuclear missile escort an X5 ...
and were robbed.
Yesterday informed a reliable We source the goods in the U.S. are.
That's not my problem anymore.
The X5 is one of the most powerful ... - I know.
Give us a moment.
You're our only hope. Your country needs you.
I have more than enough done for my country.
If this goes to Casey ... - It's not the point.
But a promise to myself. - Listen to me.
No, you listen to me. I'm from the action ...
This action has changed. - But not the players.
It Cunth.
What?
We believe that the X5 now in possession of Dieter Von Cunth.
Mac, this is your opportunity to ask him finally bring down.
Sorry, Jim.
I can not.
If you change your mind.
Do you, Casey Janine Fitzpatrick, MacGruber as your faithful husband?
Yes.
And do you, MacGruber, Janine Casey Fitzpatrick as your faithful wife?
Yes.
MacGruber?
WASHINGTON DC
I participate. - What?
I participate.
Thank God. - Your God can not help you.
But I do.
What we know now? - Unfortunately, little.
We believe that the goods Cunth the U.S. has shipped ...
but we lost the trail. - I talked to the Colonel.
Colonel? - Everything he said is correct.
Thanks, Colonel.
Excuse me, Cunth time to kick.
Not so simple. - To us he is a gun dealer ...
but for others, a respected businessman and police Ekman.
Untouchable. - I get it on, rookie.
I hit him where I want.
Our advantage is that even Cunth passwords needed for the X5.
It is necessary that she passwords do not get.
Thanks for that, I had only not yet.
I'm not going to lie to you. This is a very unreasonable demand.
It is said that a team of Cunth most brutal criminals has made.
Moss Bender. Zeke Pleshette.
Constantine Bach and Culebra twins. A dream team.
Then I have my own dream team preparation of killer stoppers.
Beyond that. Lieutenant Piper is the best and get help.
I got a better idea: No chance.
I know I not fill expectations. - Let me guess ...
one year graduate, no experience.
Small who thinks his shit does not stink.
So you know ... your shit stinks though.
It smells like shit.
Just give me a chance. - Is this it?
My nose.
Excuse me, time to real team together.
Asshole.
I manage, Rico.
So we know Frank. Always wants to do everything by myself.
MacGruber, I thought you were dead.
Last time I saw you, you had a hand in 'S Grenade Launcher and the other an M-16.
And you ripped someone's throat with your bare hands.
Classic MacGruber.
You keep your body strong. - You do it yourself is not bad.
Every day is training you as a python nine kilograms in your pants.
You and your dick comment. - Nice to say.
Nice to hear. - Therefore I say them.
Therefore, I listen.
We had good times. - Great times.
We get more.
I recognize that look. - I need you, Frank.
It's serious. I propose a team.
Then I do it.
That was beautiful, Vicki.
MacGruber. Were not you dead? - I thought too.
But I'm still alive. And I suggest 's team.
Good for you. - No good for us.
And good for America and for fans of justice and truth ...
because you're in that team.
I can not. - Give me one good reason.
Yes. - And do you, MacGruber ...
Casey Janine Fitzpatrick and wife? - No!
I lost my best friend then. - Me too.
And now we have chance for revenge. - Revenge?
It Cunth.
Sorry, I'm starting a new life. Music is my life now.
If you change your mind.
Good to see you again, Vicki.
I AM IN THE PENTAGON
CUNTH'S AREA LOCATION UNKNOWN
Everything goes according to plan?
Yes, Tuesday we must have passwords.
Beautiful.
Ever been in DC? - No.
I talked to the rocket.
Are you ready? - Yes! Shoot Ready.
Just like old times.
I need to close a deal with the brass.
Please wait.
Wait.
Yes, Mr. President, we have MacGruber on the mission.
How's your nose, rookie?
I hit it against "a big vagina. - My face is a vagina?
Use your nose like a dick and vaginal sex with my face.
Last time I forgot to I say how ugly you think.
Indeed. - Well, very ugly.
You look in a mirror. - Potty fight?
Wherever and whenever you want.
I may start him. Just kidding. I still hate you.
And I you. - Do you really fight?
Guys!
Calm.
You have a reasonable team together?
A reasonable team? That you can say.
Frank Korver, Tanker Lutz, Tut Beemer, Tug Phelps, Vernon Freedom, I.
It's best show reasonable team.
Are you sure you meewilt Piper?
I would like to ...
but the van is packed.
Filled with American heroes, with 100 years experience ...
and much camaraderie. And no, the case does not.
Because that is full of homemade C4 explosives.
I packed it with my own two ...
Damn.
No, no.
Tut, Tug are you okay?
There must be someone in it.
Call 112.
The funerals were beautiful. - Yes.
What did you think of my praise?
Touching. I had less V-words.
They were damn good guys.
And this is a damn fucking day.
There were children. - She laughed.
By your lingo. - Fuck with them.
I had to sit in the van. - But that was not.
No, and nobody is there more Cunth than sorry.
MacGruber, about ...
I will remove you from the case.
I heard you down bad. Because I heard:
MacGruber, on this, I will remove you from the case.
I said exactly. - You can not do.
You said yourself that your best chance I had.
But the action has changed. - But not the players.
I have no choice. Because of this trauma you're too close.
Without a team behind you, I can not risk it.
Sorry.
Sir, I ...
Where is the Colonel? - I need your help.
They want me to continue the mission. - Given the circumstances ...
Fuck, fart. I meant it not.
What do you want?
You in my team. - What?
Join my new team and tell the Colonel that I can.
I can not. - Good.
Do not make me beg. Because I do.
I'm so sorry.
I'm crazy. I have them all killed.
I'm an idiot.
I do not even know what I do and everyone hates me.
I pipe you.
I like fucking you tube you come to my team.
I pipe you, or you can fuck me if I fuck you. Whether you see me fuck something.
Point to something and I fuck it.
Tell me what I need to fuck. - Jesus Christ.
Tell me what I need to fuck.
I have no lubricant. Do you see something white-out?
Print or copy to work. - Put your pants back on.
I do not know what I do.
I'm so fucked up.
Come on, MacGruber ...
it's not so bad. - Of course not.
The man who killed my wife has a nuclear missile ...
and I can change nothing. And it's not so bad?
Did Cunth your wife killed?
It was never proven. But I saw it happen.
Sorry, I did not.
This mission was my chance to do I had to do ten years ago.
I blew it. - Awaits a helicopter toward Ecuador.
Colonel, sorry I disappointed you.
Piper.
I participate. - Lieutenant?
I participate in the team.
Really? - Sorry, Lieutenant ...
two people are not a team. - But three do.
Vicki?
I heard what happened. Maybe you could help.
What about your music? - That can wait.
Piper Dixon, Vicki St. Elmo.
Apparently I have a new team.
Indeed.
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA
What are we doing here? - Very simple ...
This is Cunth. If we want to find ...
where the password deal takes place, we must turn some stones.
Nice car, fart. - Damn.
K FBR 392.
So we are contacts and gather information?
Something. K FBR 392.
Can I help you? - The X5, please.
He knows nothing.
Turn the music.
Turn off, or I will kill her.
I really do. Nearly two in her neck.
Do not worry, she's with me.
But I can not say the same about you.
Most of you are stuck here on vacation.
But many of you are connected with Dieter Von Cunth.
He would do something incredible illegal and something amazing deadly thing.
"Suspected of 'should I say for legal purposes.
But I'll be after him and go kill him.
Who am I? You ask.
My name is MacGruber. Remember that name.
Uppercase M. a-c. Capital G. r-u-b-e-r.
If someone wants to find: Tomorrow at the Gold Street Cafe, 2 hours.
Please spread the word fucking millions.
That was fucking awesome.
What was that? - To send a message.
It will be received loud and clear.
Since I am worried about. - Why?
Because he thought you were dead.
A huge advantage. - Yes, now he comes after us.
Exactly, part of the plan. - What is that plan?
I making that up now. - That's not really a plan.
Or not, I'm not good with planning.
Not even with directions.
But with kick ass and throats to rupture.
So let him come in! because I make him.
And the action I will not lose. Come on.
K FBR 392.
Sorry to bother you, Dr. Cunth. - Shoes.
Excuse me.
A fool has broken tent beaten and would chase you arrive.
I'm afraid.
His name was MacGruber.
MacGruber.
Well, well.
Still alive after all these years.
Bring him inside. - I did not, sir.
You let him go? - He seemed to be no threat.
He seemed mentally disturbed. - No threat ... Little question.
Remember the murder of President Jimmy Carter?
No, but that never happened. - That's right.
Do not underestimate him.
We have a fly on the lamp. - Roger, what do we do?
Provide whisk. - Roger, sir.
Your toilet is disgusting. - Bite taken.
Pretty good, right?
Can we talk about? - There's nothing to say.
Everyone knows that rats love cheese. And you're the cheese.
But he comes after you. Why can not you see yourself?
Because ... you do.
I'm worried about this operation.
If you think I'm that monster Cunth let touch her hair ...
you are mistaken enormous. - Thanks.
He comes down dangerously close to her. And in this work may be things going on.
But she gives herself. - Will this really happen?
Do not worry.
If you turn around a weapon against and they see that I am not ...
they are so angry that she do not know what to do.
Then you have them.
What? - You look so handsome.
Thank you. - Come on, Piper and MacGruber.
Vick, if we want to attract bastard, he must think you're the real MacGruber.
Do not worry, we are backing you.
We are only seven blocks long, if something goes wrong ...
Seven streets? - Okay, it's 20 blocks.
But if something happens, we are so. - Could not get closer?
No. - A lot.
Yes, paid.
I should stop talking because people look at me weird.
I do not want attention.
And I stand at the bar, so I'll order something.
Can I help you? - A small latte.
No, that would never MacGruber order.
It is the large Tazo tea. - Excuse ...
Can I change a large Tazo tea?
Of course, something else? - No.
What is your name? - Do not go in as the fog.
MacGruber. - Good.
That is 3.45. - Yes, as always.
No tip. Take that back.
I need ...
Sorry. - Do not say sorry.
No sorry. Well sorry for myself.
Move to the end of the bar. Something else.
More ... Stop!
MacGruber. - That's me.
This is the main piece. Listen well.
With your left hand go up.
Open your mouth and push up until the liquid ...
Bending.
We are going to die!
Give me the Swiffer. - I'm just busy.
Damn, give me the Swiffer and that's an order.
All right.
My God, no!
No.
Vicki? - You still alive?
Yes. Meet us in the alley.
My teammates were shot.
They are still alive. Seriously.
Thank you.
Good work with Swiffer. - Would be good promotion for them.
I'm not so sure.
Hoss Bender, dead at age "Who cares about".
MacGruber. - Vicki.
I made me so concerned. - I love to yours.
Really? - I only have two of these jackets ...
So if one of the two was fired was that bad.
Not expensive, but hard to find. - I see.
Hoss got his car found.
Holy Mary.
That is a lot of money.
Every strip club is in his GPS.
Hoss Bender, what were you from plan with all that money.
That is obvious.
To passwords to buy ... - The passwords buy ...
I was just for you. To purchase passwords.
This is weird: He 's appointment afternoon and there's only STD.
Since I have been.
STD is the old code Stansfield track area, 16 km away.
I put it in his GPS.
He was of course already. - Let's get passwords.
But if no show Hoss, show them the bill.
Who says he does not show up?
Still some questions before we do this?
Why should I be Hoss? - You are good at what you do.
Why do I have yours? - First, you're never mine.
Secondly, I forgot your question.
There are three guards.
Three against three. - Once they are down ...
Vicki goes in, dressed as Hoss and see what happens.
Ready? - So we just go?
Piper, that's a big difference to see what happens.
Let's see what happens.
No thanks. - What?
MacGruber plays like that. So why.
Sorry, I do not understand you.
I do not use weapons. - This is correct anyway.
Weapons for the weak and idiots.
Not bad mean.
What we have here.
What are you doing? - For distraction.
What is that?
Now.
Admittedly, that worked around. - About?
I have three great deal. - Because I shot them.
Because they were derived.
Here's some advice: If you ever try, do you use the thick end ...
because the thin straight away ... - You are wasting your time.
I do not.
Never say never.
Follow me.
That is Bach and Constantine Zeke Pleshette.
And if I'm not mistaken, what never was ...
that bastard has bearing Briefcase passwords.
Vick, it's time. - Is this real?
Funny, but walking.
I walk.
There is nothing bad happened.
I'm still alive. - It's good ...
This is just like in Nicaragua. - There I was fired.
This is nothing like in Nicaragua.
I see through the window, I think. Sit comfortably inside ...
and fingers crossed. This is so exciting.
Go quietly by the entrance.
And do not worry, they think Hoss you're Bender.
It takes a while before they realize ... - It's not Hoss.
What are you doing? - A homemade grenade make.
I have to borrow to start the weapon. - No.
Use your finger. - Watch your tone!
Quietly, I have it under control.
Damn, they have the passwords.
Hey, guys. - Vicki.
Are you okay? - I lost money.
I have peed my pants. - Sorry.
I've peed in it.
Dirty. - I got it washed.
This phone is all we have. - Here we get the most out best.
Because at the moment is that our any association with the X5.
Damn, he goes off. Turn on the tracer.
He is ready. - Remember ...
long enough that you need to talk to a location to obtain.
I've done this before.
Listen, you piece of shit, Hoss, and Zeke are dead ...
and if you can not tell who this is ... Hung, did you?
No. - Damn, that thing works?
Yes, but you need it least 20 seconds on the line.
That was twenty. - Maybe three.
You're right. Damn!
Second chance. Gotcha. Listen to me, motherfucker ...
Hoss, and Zeke are ... My phone.
Speak up. - With Faith.
Colonel, how are you? - How is the mission?
Very positive, not boys? How are things in the Pentagon?
We do have a clue you probably already knew.
Cunth has a fundraising evening. - We know indeed.
And we will be making calls. - Absolutely not.
I'm not calling to bear.
You do not go to that party, because he sees you dead.
That is a big advantage. - Yes.
This is a private party. I want to know exactly who enters.
Clear.
So keep Cunth 's party? - Yes, and guess who is on the list?
Guess. - We.
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH
I think this is stupid. - No problem ...
We keep our heads down.
Can I take your coat? - No.
Your car? - Nice try.
Our definition on keeping low profile are slightly different.
Do you? Where's Vicki?
Arrived ten minutes ago. She is at the back.
I like her so well. First, do something else.
Gruber, answer.
DIRECTIONS
KFBR392
Where have you been? - Sorry ...
slightly above a biplane made in the large bathroom.
Dekker above? - Defecate in the water.
You look beautiful. - Thanks.
Vick, go around to look what you can discover.
Already done. You see that guy over there?
He is from the office of Cunth. He is one of the guards.
Which guy? - That handsome.
Do you find pretty?
Yes, he is very handsome. - Really.
Why do not you loyal to him?
Seriously, then marry him. Leave the mission.
He is so handsome that you want to give up your job? - No.
Well done.
That guy you have to check. Hold much info.
What? - Take him and tie 'n order.
And stay away from him, I have described as ugly ...
and that's' s command. So two orders.
Piper, Cunth you found? - In the South Wing.
Way.
That guy.
I follow 20 000 and increase to 50 000.
He's bluffing.
I see in his small, bead-shaped eyes.
We've been expecting you al - Your turn, Senator Garver.
I participate. - Senator note for $ 750,000.
Straight Flush. - Damn.
My guard will help you out.
Sorry about that. I really thought he was bluffing.
Thanks, you've got me just a little made richer than I already am.
It does do something interesting.
Your companion is a beautiful woman. - Thank you.
Hopefully you like raped. - This is my daughter.
Hello.
Sorry, he killed my wife. - Excuse us here.
Where is the X5? - What are you talking about?
Where is the damn rocket? - What should I do with 's nuclear missile?
I never said anything about nuclear.
Precisely because most rockets filled with air.
I came Zeke Pleshette Hoss and Bender on at last.
How are they? - Less than dead now.
This is unfortunate. - Too bad for you.
Because they were part of your little dream team of criminals, right?
Yes, they 'were' in the past. Very sad story.
Why?
I did have the dream team criminals in the world made ...
and she sat in a room.
And I had some homemade C4 that suddenly exploded.
And I'm lost. - It kidding?
We have much in common. I did about the same.
No, I was not, because I 'm not an idiot who does something.
Fuck you, Cunth. I have a new team now.
Outside Vicki St. Elmo, Perhaps you have heard of her ...
I have one of the best young military minds.
This guy is the real stuff.
We will stop you. - You have a lot of imagination ...
but I know nothing about a nuclear missile. - You're lying.
And you're a piece of shit. - We're done here.
Would you accompany Mr. MacGruber out?
You know what will happen?
I kick you from your chin, break your jaw at four locations ...
karate and then I'll flip on my back, and put your nose in your brains ...
which killed instantly. I want someone throat cracks ... And in so doing.
One thing I know, at the end of the day ...
I rip your dick off, and push it in your mouth. There is nothing to negotiate.
Who's first?
My back.
This is a Blaupunkt. You owe me a Blaupunkt.
Where's Vicki?
I'm not sure I can do this. - Vicki, where are you?
Do it for your family.
My family? - Good night, Senator.
I swung out through a window.
My Blaupunkt, I'm really pissed off.
I'm talking to Senator Constantine Garver.
Glad you have so much fun with to those pretty boys at a party look.
But there is a nuclear threat, and we all possible help.
Please come back here. - All right.
First fun party.
The music, dancing and excellent sushi.
Especially the humiliation by MacGruber the eyes of my daughter and guests.
Does anyone know how he could get in? - Via the main entrance.
I had expected something more complicated.
Sorry, sir. - No apologies.
I appreciate your honesty. To the left, please.
Great.
Would anyone else be honest?
Hang on in the hall. And go MacGruber finish.
I said do not go inside. - I have them where I want them.
Is that so? I think the other way.
To agree to disagree.
I'm really sorry. - That save us from the nuclear rocket.
You become a risk.
I have no choice then you pick up this mission ...
and this time it really happens. - He now has the passwords.
Because you could hold against him. - You can not do.
I can do and that I just did.
I will suck your dick. I let you fuck me.
I'm sorry, Mac. It's over.
I must be held on the envelope think that Senator Garver received.
There is a designation. - Cute that you were still thinking ...
but believe me, Garver has nothing.
I am sorry - You do not regret anything about it.
You both did a great job. If anyone should have to blame ...
than I am. - If it comforts you ...
I have spent the last days learned a lot from you.
Mostly about what not to do, but this is an important part of learning.
I go to the toilet. - Number one, or two?
That's your business. - That means number two.
Shut up.
When you doing something? - What are you talking about?
You can see a mile away. - Shut up.
Seriously, you're perfect for each other. - You're crazy.
She is a good woman. Loyalty, good at what she does.
Great body, dresses well. Talented lyricist.
But I can say with confidence it never is between Vicki and me.
Never say never. - No.
I can this time.
After Casey, I made a promise I no longer need other women.
That must be really difficult. Why did Cunth killed her?
I still have no idea.
We all went to school together. And we were really very good friends.
After his graduation, he is her betrothed.
He asked if I wanted to be his witness.
Around that time I began to fuck her.
She was the only thing I'm so I felt at ease at ...
let me go.
Anyway, shortly thereafter She left him for me.
She was pregnant with him.
I asked her to abort, so we could start over again.
She agrees.
We were so in love.
He has taken me. - This is really fucked.
Thanks.
You're a good man. I must apologize for anything.
That is not necessary. - Yes.
I have you treated so badly.
I think I threatened felt by you.
I am not used I feel so.
I'm fucking MacGruber.
Water after bad. - You know.
You know it. - Another beer?
What? - We got company.
Piper, no!
Is he dead? - Yes, he's dead.
I thought we were the dick.
How did you know I was wearing a bulletproof vest? - Are you wearing that?
Awesome. - Did you know?
I knew all the time al - Pull over and let me out.
No. Why? - Because you've used me as a human shield.
I have not done. - Yes.
I have him as a human shield? - A little bit though.
You exaggerate - Step aside.
Step aside. - Fine.
Stairs to my car just now? - You do not.
Very mature!
Fuck, MacGruber. - Bye, Piper.
Is everything okay? - Yes.
What has happened to your leg?
That's nothing. - You're fired.
But who had gone through my head. - Do not say that.
Come inside, then we get that bullet out.
That punctured some.
I'm going to remove the bullet. You want to bite?
I deserve pain.
I do not know what happened.
I was just crazy. - Everyone makes mistakes.
No. Not me.
He is not dead. - But that would have been possible.
You're too hard on yourself. - Perhaps the Colonel right.
Maybe I can not.
Why do you stay?
Because I believe in what you do. - Is that so?
Yes.
You're a wonderful man.
You're beautiful. A great body ...
a great style. You are smart and brave.
Casey was lucky to have someone like if you had.
You're also a very special woman.
Why have you not settled?
I have only held one man.
He was already occupied. - Is he married?
He was. She is still in his heart.
God bless her.
I hope he does not assign blame to be blown during the wedding.
Maybe one day you have the courage to tell him how you feel.
Maybe.
Gotcha.
MacGruber. - Sorry.
I always get an erection as a beautiful Women pincers along my balls used.
Thank you.
I'll sew it. - No. Leave it open.
I like holes.
I am a virgin. - Not for long.
I'm going to explode inside you. I am going to waste.
I'm going to fill you. - I will fill you.
What? - I will fill you.
Let me talk.
You're amazing. - I gotta go.
What is it? - I gotta go.
Wait.
I'm sorry, Casey. I'm with another woman that theater.
It feels like I've betrayed you.
It is good, MacGruber.
Casey? - It's good.
Go with Vicki.
I can not do that. - You should continue your life.
I do not know what to say.
Say nothing.
I'm going to shoot. - Me too.
We shoot together.
I've shot. - Me too.
Now go tell Vicki what you feel for her.
I will do that.
Thanks.
What are the chances?
With Grubes. - MacGruber ...
I wanted you excuse me and you tell the good news.
Good news? I'm all ears.
We have just heard that the Russian Special Forces have found the X5.
That's great.
I want to be there when you Cunth deal takes.
He was not involved. They were Chechen rebels.
You're wrong that you're wrong. This is Cunth his work.
He is clean, Mac.
Yes, clean as a varkenslul.
This should be a kind of distraction, so that he can use the X5.
And I suspect that he The quick use.
I do not know what he will do. - STATE OF THE UNION TONIGHT
Cunth, the State of the Union bombardment. - The information comes from a reliable source.
Do me a favor and take holidays.
Go to the beach, shoes and drink some Molson.
I have a better idea.
I'm going to save the world.
Fuck you, asshole. - That's my car.
Senator, tell me again where you this information from you.
I'm sorry, Jim. I have no choice.
I am so sorry, Vicki.
Songs for my Gruber. Vicki, anyway.
Vicki, where are you? - Hello, MacGruber.
What have you done with Vicki?
I have not seen her, I came only from her mobile phone.
I know what you plan.
If you care anything about Vicki's phone gives you stay away.
Otherwise, I throw him to pieces. - I understand.
Vicki Vicki's cell phone is, right? - Bye.
Dieter, wait. I just wanted to say ...
it was fun to meet you ...
and we damn good opponents.
And thanks for being there, dude.
I had not expected. Thanks. - Anything else ...
How shall I say.
I can not wait for your dick there to cut in your mouth and pushing.
Goodbye, MacGruber.
Time to kick some Cunth.
Thanks for doing this, Piper. And I'm sorry about last night.
That was a pretty stupid move.
Let's get something straight. I do this not for you.
I do it for all those innocent people whose life is at stake.
My life is also at stake, So you do it for me.
And I thank you for. - You know what?
Stop. You only talk, and you screwed up things.
Articles by tearing. - I doubt it really.
Then you will see.
Is that so? - Yes. And it also.
Sorry to bother you. Colonel?
Colonel.
MacGruber was right.
Eleven, twelve as I can see.
Inside there will be more.
I hope they have a ditch for all bodies.
Otherwise, this later very smelly.
Dirty way to view it. - I am realistic.
How many people do you murder?
Let him pass. We do not want attention.
Cool, huh? You had not expected.
That was really disgusting.
Touch is used to it. So I will.
He had done the same to me if he had the chance.
He would have shot you. - Lie.
That was too close. We should have a new entry point.
Come on.
Vicki, always the bridesmaid. Never the bride.
What? I understand you.
Stop it where the sun does not shine.
And where is that?
In your asshole?
This is back. I know MacGruber sitting behind you.
And I can not wait. You know why?
I want him to look how I killed you. Just before him.
And then I look how I killed him. For a mirror.
And then I watch TV. Hopefully something good on.
This will be one of the most anticipated State of the Union from the history.
It is told that the president ...
I love disaster movies.
And then I said to her: Not too long. And then we rammed.
What? - I banged her.
I would not use the N-word, because it was something beautiful.
But it was great. And so it never felt.
That sounds special. This seems the main pipe.
We are under control.
Ready? - What Cunth kick.
What? - Nothing.
No, tell me. - The phrase you always say.
It's a good sentence. - Yes?
Yes, I know good sentences. And I can well.
Even a sense of defeat when I Cunth.
Become awesome. - Can not wait.
Yes, you will hear. I'll look ...
and you'll know. - Are we?
I first. No, go ahead.
Miller, you receive me? Miller, are you?
Damn, Miller.
Throat Tablets? - Take the whole box only.
Great. Another throat torn.
Great. - Perhaps you want for the turkey?
Turkey? - A bowling term for three strikes in a row.
I say this for throat tearing. - That's sick.
Maybe. But if I throat cracks nuclear missile get back ...
pipe so many dicks ... I tear through as many throats as needed.
Did you hear that? - No.
Look.
Hey, Cunth. Guess. I, MacGruber.
With my brother from another mother.
Let me do this. Let me go.
'm Back, asshole. - Kill him.
We are only two of us in the control room.
Make room, now.
Come to the control because We have a surprise for you.
You are all NAT
Pretty good idea, right?
What? The idea seems water or ambush?
You really fun. Trust me ...
that will provide us time.
They are in the engine. - Come on.
I have all these Wrench and I have this bottle cap.
Watch out for a big egg.
Shut up, MacGruber.
I try to help. - Take two of these weapons.
I said I do not use weapons.
Then start your best, because celery in your ass stabbing will not help now.
I do not use weapons! - Why?
Why!
I do not know how. - Unbelievable.
They frighten me. - Want to save Vicki?
Well, what should I do? - Aim and shoot.
I've hit a ton. - Focus on a person.
Good idea.
I had that guy. Seen? - I had him, I think. But well done.
I think I'll finish two. - No, I want to do it.
This is so great. Far better than all the gadgets that I made.
We must go out that door. I count to three.
Whatever you do, keep shooting.
Ready? - Just keep shooting.
Good. - One, two, three.
That was sipping. Where are the weapons?
We have company.
No!
Nice shot. Therefore it is dead solid.
You really want to rip throats, huh?
Yes, but I know that you do not fancy.
Go for the turkey.
Really? - Yes.
Thanks. - No, thank you.
That you wanted to save my life. - That I owe you.
Hand out.
Vicki is in there. I feel it in my balls.
The game is over.
MacGruber.
Just in time.
You want a prank ticker or Molson?
We have a substantial Costco here.
Food will be hard to find ...
so we have enough for a little nuclear winter.
Constantine, you take these two along while I make fun of ...
MacGruber here. - Yes.
Kneel.
First I want to thank you for bowman above you.
I want you so bad deaths.
Help me, Mommy. Go MacGruber tear my throat?
I want you to remain very sore so I You can hear a scream ...
I have cut off your dick in your mouth push. Tonight.
That sounds nice, but I I have other plans.
In four minutes I'm DC transform into ashes.
Then tons of money counting. - How do you kill such people?
Was not that obvious? Someone paid me for it.
I can not say who, that's gossip. A Chinese.
You leave me disgusted. You can not do.
Right, because you do that.
You're crazy. - No, you.
The illusion of a government accusing you of her death.
You dirty woman you put in the back. - You killed Casey.
Not according to your manifesto.
What are you talking about? - Your manifesto.
Here you accuse the government. - ROT OP AMERICA
I'll give you your wages.
Cunth, you must believe that I did not write.
I'm getting tricked by someone. You have to believe me.
This is a big misunderstanding. - God, I wrote that.
I lock you in it. - It never fails.
Colonel Faith knows all about this. - It's dead.
What? - You're lying.
Damn, Cunth. - That 's invitation?
No ...
Let's go.
First something I already very long time to do.
Who wants to be trimmed? - No.
What do you do? - You have to look good in your coffin.
Do not do it, Cunth!
Boys.
No!
Look at me, I'm MacGruber. I'm going to kick some Cunth.
Want to fight? Damn.
Hey.
What the hell?
Now, Vicki.
You do not use weapons? - Right.
You hit like a girl. - And you go like a girl walking around.
Because if I have dismantled the rocket, I cut your dick off and push him ...
in my mouth. Just one plate to keep playing.
The only record is your dick in your mouth.
Launch in three minutes. - Another three minutes.
Go ahead.
This situation, I have repeatedly experienced and nothing ever happens really.
Before we begin, I must tell you something.
I've been thinking since so many Yesterday we had sex ...
The bomb. - You're right.
Piper, give me the wire. - Does he, MacGruber.
Vicki, the ball bearing. - Please.
Piper, who pincers. - Come out.
Hurry. - The time is almost up.
Make me the happiest man ... - Yes, yes.
I'm Casey's spirit to overcome yesterday. Here we talk about later.
We have a nuclear missile ... Damn.
What's wrong? - What the hell is this?
A nuclear missile. This can dismantle, right?
Seriously, who built this? Or one million wires.
I'm just an electrician. Where is this going?
This is a green. But a lot.
Launch in two minutes. - Two minutes!
I heard that! Always saw.
I am so sorry, sweetheart. - Can you do this or not?
No, I can not dismantle missiles.
Bravo, MacGruber. Again I win and you lose.
My sentence was not finished.
I can not dismantle missile ...
but I can. - Launch a minute.
A nuclear missile is nothing without its heart.
Damn. It does not matter.
It contains enough nitrate to the White House and Congress to explode.
Again correct. But he flies hard ...
without ...
the guidance system.
So you win anyway.
And because you will documents is blown ...
how much longer, Mrs. MacGruber? - 32 seconds.
We will be better off. We need to arrange a marriage.
Forward.
Bye. - MacGruber.
Ten, nine, eight, seven ...
Six, five ...
Four, three, two, one, zero.
Classic MacGruber.
I love you both.
SIX MONTHS LATER
There is love without borders.
A love that heals in bad times.
A love that forgives in bad times.
A love that love each other, in times of love.
That said Vicki. Beautiful, sweetie.
Is there anyone present who against this marriage?
Let's start.
You take Vicki St. Elmo, MacGruber, as your faithful husband?
Yes.
And do you, MacGruber, Vicki St. Elmo as your faithful wife?
No!
I'm fine. It is good.
Do not.
I must admit that I glad to be alive.
There is something I have long wanted to speak.
Cunth ...
Pipe your dick. - Come and get it.
Where did he go?
Exploded during the explosion. - It kidding?
Are we ready? - No, we're not ready.
Piper.
Damn, dude!
Yes, I will.
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